Manners Please

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As I sat down at the dinner table the other night, I remarked to my wife that I was looking forward to a leisurely meal visiting with my daughter and getting caught-up in what was happening.

As we began to eat, nothing could have prepared me for the horror I was about to see. My 11 year old sat with her fork, pushing the mashed potatoes onto it with her finger. I was absolutely devastated. Here was this pretty young lady, who has sat at many head tables with her father and up until now, had impeccable manners, shoveling food onto he fork with her fingers!  Had I failed that miserably as a father to teach her proper etiquette? Heavens above, I hope my manners aren’t that bad.

They were certainly put to the test a night or two later, when I found myself at a formal dinner with five wine glasses and a basket full of cutlery on my place setting. One woman remarked, “Oh my where do I begin,” referring to the proper procedure to using the spoons, knives and forks in the correct order. This ultimately raised the question of what has happened to our manners and etiquette? Not that we’re all going to be in formal situations every week. But the basics, have they disappeared?

Edmonton’s resident Mr. Manners is Brian Welsh, the Maitre d’ at the spectacular Harvest Room in the Fairmont’s Hotel MacDonald. While the chef is the master of the kitchen, the Maitre d’ is in charge of the front of the house, or dining room. He is there to make sure everything runs smoothly and your every need is met. If you have a question about service or etiquette, he’s the guy to ask. Totally non-pretentious, far from stuffy, a fun guy to be sure, Brian is the type of fella you’d want your daughter to bring home. He has taught courses in etiquette since 1995, first at Grant MacEwan College, and currently he is giving private courses in your home and for corporations.

“Etiquette is hibernating right now,” he contends. “But lately a lot of people are starting to ask questions about it.”

“Is it important to know how to hold a knife and fork properly? No one’s going to die if you don’t, but it is important if you are having lunch with the boss or clients, or you are trying to impress your girlfriend’s parents. Manners are how you present yourself.”

Why the renewed interest in manners? Welsh says everyone wants to be socially acceptable, and more and more people are realizing they don’t have the proper skills, thanks in part to our fast-paced society and the fact no one is passing on these skills like our mothers and fathers once did.

“It all comes down to courtesies extended and shared with others around you. From pulling out a chair to help seat a lady, to standing when a lady arrives or departs from the table.” And gentlemen, that means every man at the table. It also includes raising a glass for a toast, and choosing and phrasing your words properly. Not to mention picking suitable topics of discussion at the dinner table. Brain says sex, religion and politics are definitely OUT.

One of the things leading to the demise of eating a proper supper with the entire family says Welsh, is the fact that we are seeking fast, self-nourishment so we can race off and do other things. What’s being thrown aside is quality family time, and a chance to interact as one unit. Now such get-togethers are reserved for special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. How many families do you know that are lucky to get two meals together in a week? Unfortunately an opportunity to teach proper etiquette is lost.

“Today’s young diners are likely to have their first dining date at McDonalds. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s a long way from days gone by when you’d take her to a nice restaurant and spoil her.”

As a result a lot of the basics, according to Welsh, are lost. Such as no baseball caps in a restaurant, especially at the dinner table as you eat. Taking off the cap shows respect for your guests or friends at the table, and those around you. Did you know that it’s only proper and polite to allow the ladies to order their meal first? In fact in by gone days the man would ask the lady what she desired, then he would order for her. Ah chivalry. It’s dead!

When asked if he has seen some crazy things in his time, Welsh rolls his eyes and laughs, “I’ve seen virtually every wrong utensil used for every course.” But nobody died.

If you’d like more information about an etiquette course call Brian Welsh at 429-6484.

Brian Welsh’s Top Ten list of Do’s and Don’ts for dining out:

10.    Keep your shoes on at the dinner table.

9.     Gentlemen leave your tie and jacket on at the dinner table.

8.     Leave the chewing gum at home.

7.     Put cell phones and pagers on vibrate.

6.     Place the napkin on your lap, not stuck out of your collar.(Many fine     restaurants will have the waiter do this for you so don’t be alarmed.)

5.     When food is in front of you keep your elbows off the table.

4.     Feel free to share your food.

3.     Hold your wine glass by the stem, not the bowl.

2.     Watch your language. Don’t swear. Pick appropriate table topics. Sex,  Religion and politics are no-no’s.

1.     Always start with the outside cutlery and work in with each course. If you are unsure simply ask. Your server would be delighted to show you.