I realized this has happened to more of us than we think.  It is something you can't hide from -- it hits when you least expect.  Can't ignore it ( many of us try, but it happens none the less).  Sneaks up when we're not looking.

As I was walking past the hallway mirror, I glanced up and there was my Mom staring back at me.  I was sure she was there!!  But you see, that would be impossible because my Mom has been gone for several years.  Another quick glance and I was sure she was staring back at me.  Whoa!!!  The thing I had vowed would never happen was upon me---  I had become my Mother.

When I was very young and we would do our Saturday marathon grocery trips (for a family of 8) one of the local merchants would consistently call me by my Mother's name.  Immediately, becoming defensive,  I would proclaim "That's not my name" and march defiantly down the aisle. So sure I had proven my point, only to go through the process during the next shopping trip.  As a teen I would distance myself from the family -- not wanting to be associated, hoping people would think I wasn't part of that big noisy group. 


I was certainly embarrassed to be with my Mom, after all she had no idea what the world was really like. We didn't coincide on ideas of fashion in any way-- fortrel and polyester were her choice, mine was denim. How could I understand the comfort in elastic waistbands? Certain that I was much wiser and worldly, certain I could handle all of life's adventures on my own-- determined to do things my own way.  My Mom would comment about me "She will do things the hard way".

She passed away much too soon.  Too soon to answer all the questions and retell the stories I longed to hear.  I thought I had plenty of time to ask those questions and record the family history.  There was no warning before the phone call came--- and then there was no going back. There were no second chances, no more Sunday evening phone calls. 

I left home to venture out into the world when I was 17, determined to conquer.  In between college years I would move home for the summer, making brief pit stops in my Mother's domain. Work, travel and romance took me far away and over the years I would keep close contact by phone and letters.  (Thank goodness for Canada Post--- sometimes that was my lifeline).  And as the years crept by I moved closer to Mom; certainly not the backyard, but a 6 hour drive was pretty close.  Holidays and long weekends often gave us the time to travel to the farm, travel back into time and reconnect.

When I look in the mirror and see her reflection I see the similarities and accept them with grace.


Now as I reflect and look back, I see the person she really was. She left a legacy of warmth and happy memories.  Her coffee pot and positive attitude always on hand, filled to the brim and lovingly shared.

With children of my own I can now fully understand what my mother went through.  If she was here I could apologize and make amends, laugh about the times I thought I had successfully "pulled the wool over her eyes".

Sometimes when I have gone through altercations with my daughter I muse about what my own mother would say, what words of advise would she have offered. Seems like in the moment all the wonderful intentions and kind words get warped while travelling from my mouth to her ear--- funny, how that happens.  Is there anyone else out there that this occurs too? Words tumble over each other in haste to reach their destination and in the process they get all jumbled around.  Thus the feelings become injured, and the chasm of understanding widens once again.  Ah well, I do take solace in the fact that we will get through this and she will eventually become a mother in her own time.  Perhaps this is called sweet justice, or you could call it revenge or even payback.  I like to say "What goes around, comes around".

Another appropriate saying is "The apple doesn't fall from the tree".  Think about it.  Look in the mirror and find your heritage-- the seeds are right there in front of your face.  You may not look like her but the probabilities are great there will be a resemblance in other ways-- characteristics, perhaps the way you tilt your head, or the color of your eyes, or the way you say certain phrases.

Yes, it is a world wide phenomena-- happens in every corner of the globe, every culture, race and generation.  Happens while you sleep-- slipping into your dreams  and into your subconscious, only to submerge when you least expect it.  So young ladies, as a word of warning--- you can run from it, you can fight it, you can resist it---screaming and kicking.  Denial takes over-- vows are made-- but chances are --


YOU WILL BECOME YOUR MOTHER.