Further Evolutions of Man

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Further Evolutions of Man

When the following article was printed in September 2003, I felt that mans evolution was well defined. How sadly mistaken I was. New evolutionary species have been discovered.

6) Progressive

This is the most unique of the species. A variety in all shapes and sizes living in Edmonton. It combines all the following traits, 1-5, and devolves further. Progressive people feel they have come to a full stop at Stop Signs while never taking foot of the gas petal. Why stop when the intersection is clear.

This same creature is able to judge traffic speed and distance with such an amazing ability, that they can slide into traffic lanes with inches to spare. The ability to speed up, pass and then cross over 3 lanes in order to accomplish a 10 km turn.

I believe this species is also afraid of the sun, for all the vehicle windows are tinted out. It is not hard to make that assumption when they are observed exiting with sunglasses. 

To announce their presence, an assortment of vile noise eminantes from within , complemented by a tunefull exhaust. A relatively large protuberance of chrome beneath the bumper, to augment the tune and direct your eyes.

So i will name this new species as

"Progressive idiotus" a person fully aware of surroundings but pushes the envelope of social norm

Which category do you fit into???

If you are aware of other evolutionary oddities, please submit them to this writer.

         Evolution of Man

I have witnessed the following evolutionary growth element in the human course of development.

A four eyed, telepathy capable, all knowledgeable, thick skinned and no arms human on the Edmonton roadways. What do they attribute this development too? You may ask. My reply is based on the observance of the personal protective field around the new species. I believe this may have something to do with the unique evolutionary changes. Let me cover the traits/development brought on by this personal , non mechanical aura.

1)    Four Eyes

They developed this evolutionary characteristic out of necessity. How else can you drive through a FOUR WAY stop sign without observing the traffic on all four corners simultaneously and from a block away.

2)    Telepathy

This is the most interesting and most unusual development. Only a select few of this new species have this peculiarity, to read the minds of pedestrians and other drivers. Hmmmm this might be useful in the stock market arena.

3)    All Knowledgeable

What an evolutionary shift. The ability to argue over and over and repeat volumes of the Highway safety rules, word by word, even the act of driving down a ONE WAY the WRONG way, still making claims that they are in the right. Works in those extreme cases when this creature occupies a handicap stall ( NO STICKER ) to get groceries. The claims spouted by them are, in this case, “We are not Parking, we are just Stopped”. I need to get hold of the BOOK of INTERPRETATIONS from these creatures.
 

4)    Thick Skinned

An improvement throwback feature that has come to the forefront. Seems to affect young and old vehicle operators. All seems right with the world, straddling over two lanes of traffic, no lights on, reckless driving, stunting, OBLIVIOUS to the sounds of curses and horns blowing. After all , you do not need to pay attention at 100km in a 50km zone…DO YOU???

5)    No Arms

What can I say, this new genus of human cannot have appendages, if they did, I am sure the signal lights would come on to indicate the direction of their travel. This is useful for the undeveloped species of regular human.

Oh my , I forgot…..EVOLUTION attribute (2)

In summary, if you see this creature, genus, species  or evolutionary advanced schnook, capture it. I am sure it would be comfortable sharing a 6x8 cell with the following known creatures.

a) “Cigarettiss flickus” a fire causing sub human who populates rural and urban environments.

b) “Alcohol_dick consumas” causes maiming or death on our roads

And my favorite sub human ( below ) is an extraordinary diversion of the homo sapiens evolutionary tree.

c) “ Coma oblivious” a no brain, no eyes, no arms, drug induced idiot driver that is responsible for many roadway deaths.

-------------- “Be affwad , be wary wary affwad”---------------